Friday, December 31, 2010

You know, no matter how much people tell you about being a mom, no one really ever prepares you for the reality of it. The late nights, the incessant crying for no reason... the hair pulling, unbelievable rage you feel when your child simply will NOT stop crying and nothing you do will soothe him.

This is where I've been at for 3 days now. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I want to cry. I want to hit something (NEVER EVER him, don't worry!). I hate letting him cry in his playpen, but what else can I do? He screams when I hold him, he screams if I don't. He screams before I feed him, he screams right after eating, he screams while I change him, and he seems to have his days and nights mixed up. He sleeps during the day and stays awake all hours of the night. Most of the time, while screaming.

My back aches. My head hurts. I walk around wearing puke half the time, and go through my limited wardrobe faster than you can imagine from him peeing on me, or the puking.

Everyone says it gets better. Well that sure doesn't help while you're going through it, lemme tell ya! I appreciate people's input and suggestions, but nothing works. Nothing helps. I'm just so tired. I love him to death when he's quiet, when he's sleeping, and I love him even when he screams his head off for hours. I'm just so frustrated and I wish this would hurry up and pass.

Every time we put him down to sleep, I pray to God that he'll stay asleep. I beg God to make him less cranky, to let us get sleep. But it really doesn't seem like he's listening or even cares. And people wonder why I have a hard time believing in religion. Sometimes I wonder if God's even there at all.

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