You know, sometimes I read other people's blogs and am just blown away by their writing styles, not just what they have to say. A lot of us probably have a lot of things we'd like to talk, or vent, about; but sometimes it's hard to find the right words, or the right way to say it.
I find that if I try to emulate other people's writing styles, I tend to fail miserably. Then I just end up with something that sounds like someone else. Even right now, I don't feel like I sound like myself... though I have noticed that I have different writing styles depending on the day.
Why am I writing all of this nonsense? I don't know. I just haven't written in a while, and I was thinking about that the other day, so now I'm writing it down. Because I can.
I'm tired. Like seriously exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week, even though I got to sleep in today (9am! WOOT!). People always tell you how tiring it is to be a mom, but you never really *truly* get it until you're there. Honestly, this part isn't as bad as the first 3 months or so. Marshall is getting bigger, he *was* being happier... but this last week has been so miserable! He would scream at me from morning till night for days and days and I JUST WANTED TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC!
I know, I know... that's a horrible thing to say. It really is. But you try it. Seriously, unless you've been there, you can't possibly understand, so don't judge me! I love my son more than anything in the world... and when he's miserable and screaming all the time, sure, it makes me sad that I can't seem to comfort him. But understand that on top of that, is the anger and frustration. Like, "Why does my child seem to HATE ME so much? Why does he only seem to scream for me?" Because you know that once daddy gets home, he's calmer and happier and it really hurts my feelings and makes me angry.
Last weekend, he screamed all the time, even though Jay was home. I feel a little guilty in saying that I'm actually kinda glad about that. It made me feel more like it's not just me, and so Jay could see what I deal with all day when he's not here.
I wish my happy little boy would make more frequent appearances. He's just recently started the baby babbling, rolling over, and giggling more often. But this last week has been such a nightmare that I seriously want to sleep for a week! Maybe once I wake up, my smiling happy boy will be back to stay.